Wednesday, September 16, 2009

While wandering the local craft fair...

My sister and I spent a couple of nice, relaxing hours at a local craft fair a couple of weekends ago. Two years ago, having a booth at this fair started us both on our way to being professional handmade artisans. We enjoyed looking, and eating, and laughing, and remembering why we love making stuff and selling it to people who love what we make.

There were many beautiful things - not the least of which were the new paintings and prints by my favorite local artist, Temple Moore. There were a few things, however, that were unequivocably not good. Don't ever, ever, EVER do things like this. I love handmade, but THIS is crap.

These skirts are repurposed jeans on top, fleece on the bottom. FLEECE. Like, what you make blankets from.

There is just no way to explain this abomination, nor is there any way to excuse it. I thought when I saw it that I had no words, but obviously I do. Several. Some of them start with the letters W, T and F.

Next in line is this yard art. You can kill two birds with one well-aimed stone if you put this on your lawn. You can call yourself an Art Lover*, and at the same time, you can be accused of sacrilege by your neighbors!

I'm pretty sure that Santa Clause (or anyone else with a similar name) was NOT hanging around by the manger when Joseph and Mary's first child was born. I mean, I'm no biblical scholar, but... I was president of my church's youth group. So, you know... I know stuff.

I don't even go to church regularly, and I read athiest blogs, and I was still offended by this piece of dung. I didn't check the price. But if it wasn't free, it was too much. (hint: click the photo for the full offensive effect)

*not really.

Finally, we turn to the apparel that should not be worn when going to a craft fair. Or anywhere. Maybe in your own house... but only with the lights off.

That's right, ladies and gentlemen. This poor woman obviously had nothing but this to wear. I can only guess (hope) that all of her other clothes... the ones that didn't creep into her butt-crack and make her an immediate candidate for What Not to Wear... were burned in a house fire the day before. And all of her cash, checks and credit cards were lost as well, leaving her unable to shop for new clothes before the fair. That is the only explanation I can come up with.

But if I am right, then she should have kept her spandex-encased buttcheeks at home. Seriously, there was no need to subject anyone else - even the person who made that manger scene - to that. I would have even been okay with her wearing one of those WTF skirts if it meant I wouldn't have to see those pants... leggings? Tights? Shorts? What the hell are they??

I won't even get into the fanny/belly pack and shoes. I feel a little faint...



7 comments:

Jennifer Worick said...

I don't know where to start. Yes, I do. Those skirts are the garment versions of the mullet: business on the top, party on the bottom, tragedy pretty much everywhere. The Santa creche reminds me of the ice sculpture show at Opryland. After trekking through How the Grinch Stole Christmas as told through the magic of ice, we were herded into a room filled with pristine carvings of the nativity before being shepherded into the retail area. And the woman who just came from her Jazzercise class, well, bless her heart.

Denise Felton said...

*sighing with satisfaction that you're back and giving me something worthwhile to read with my morning coffee again*

Sunny of The Beehive said...

Ah, fantastically bad craft fair experiences. Love it! Offensive as it may be I really want that painting...and I'm a Christian *shhh, don't tell I love bizarre religious art!*

idyll hands said...

That lady in the pink shorts was better left forgotten - thanks sis.

ambika said...

My boyfriend of all people commented on how inappropriate it was to wear spandex with non-tunic shirts or dresses after spying a couple of folks in Victoria dressed similarly.

drollgirl said...

dude. horror factor eleven! i don't even know where to start! but those skirts?!?!? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. who wears that shit?!?!? who MAKES that shit?!?!?

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

dude. I'm on your blog. What's with that cruel comment about the fanny pack--it's functional!

Ok. Not really me. I wouldn't be caught dead in spandex these days. . .It's amazing what people wear out of their house. . .